A few days after I posted garlic bread I began to write another post about this amazing guy I fell for but I just couldn’t get myself to finish it. So here I am starting all over again. I started going through all the memories that we created last year then my heart felt so heavy. How do I continue to write about moments that brought my heart so much healing but ended in much more pain? It’s like I was reliving my past, a constant series of unfortunate events of my love life.
The vibes between us was intoxicating. It felt so right. Regardless how thick the wall I built around my heart was. I couldn’t help but slowly fall for everything about him. I had to constantly ask my friends for reassurance and they eventually gave me the nudge I needed to take down that wall, to finally let this good guy in my life.
This guy knew every single detail to me. He didn’t judge me for any of it. He would constantly remind me how beautiful and strong of a woman I was because all that bullshit I went through or was going through. I never thought that a guy would look at my past and see things in a better light. Shit I couldn’t even see it in a better light. I would even ask why he was so good to me and he said because someone like me deserved it. Someone as loving as me deserved the world.
We often said that the universe was telling us this was all meant to be. Although things felt too right we did come across a few issues. He mentioned that his mom didn’t approve of him dating me because I had two kids. I always worried because I understand a mother’s perspective. She was being over protective. I completely understood that but I was still afraid of what she thought of me. He would reminded me that even if his mom felt a certain way it didn’t matter to him. If that was an issue for him then he would have already left. Funny thing though, my own mother warned me about him because of his last name. His father was my family’s neighbors in the Philippines. His dad knew my entire family and was good friends with my Uncles and real dad. Crazy how the world comes back in full circle or how a mother always knows best.
Things started to get serious and he said that HE was ready to meet my daughters. I never forced it. It was all up to him. In my eyes it was gonna make or break whatever we were moving towards building. The two worlds I’ve basically been keeping apart finally came together. All three of them hit it off so well. The day after he met my girls was probably the most emotionally day for me. I was driving Maleah to school and asked her what she thought of Uncle Francis.
This was our entire conversation;
“Mommy, I really like Uncle Francis. Neh neh liked him a lot tooo. She wanted him to carry her all the time.”
I responded with; “Uncle Francis makes mommy really happy baby.”
She said; “I know mommy, I see it cus daddy always use to make you so sad.”
I got to her school, dropped her off to her class then got back in my car and I completely lost it. I cried a little. Maleah has only seen me depressed, fighting and always crying when I was with her daddy she never really saw me happy. It felt soooo good for her to finally see me happy. He started to paint this picture of a future together. Which I’ve never done or believed in with anyone. I don’t even believe in marriage or forevers. He would say things about having kids. He would say things about how we would do a great job raising the girls together and more. Looking back on it now I felt as if he was just entertaining the idea. As if he was feeding me lies to keep me around for whatever reason. He broke my wall down and built my trust back to where it needed to be. I started to believe in love again. I started to feel whole again.
That guy knew how damaged I was and he promised me that I wouldn’t have to feel that kind of pain again. He said he appreciated me and everything I did for him. I wish I knew what went wrong. Did I do something wrong? How did your feelings change so quickly? Did what I had to offer too much for you? Was it not enough? I never really got the answers to why. He grew distant from the amazing relationship I thought we had. To come to find out that the distance came from what he called was a distraction. That good guy played me for another girl, for weeks before I even found out. A coworker. What’s crazy is that this chick knew about me, knew about us but she was still so down to hoe around regardless who he was involved with.
He fucking knew everything I went through and comforted me through the pain and still manage to hurt me 10x worst. I really thought he was a good guy. I thought he WAS a great guy but even the good ones turn bad.
But guess what? When they know they lost a good thing they ALWAYS come back.