Single life. I felt like I didn’t know how to talk to anyone. I wasn’t into dating anyone. I didn’t want to waste time or energy for the simple fact that my walls were up. I didn’t believe so much in love or trust. I just wanted to have fun. Live life stress free and focus on myself and my kids. Heal my heart for when I was ready to be involved with someone again.
I didn’t expect in such a short time to start dating. It was the furthest thing on my mind when this dude came into my life. He wasn’t anyone new. We were friends before, actually coworkers at Nike. We use to flirt here and there. Ask each other if we were going to certain events, sometimes plan to meet each other up but I never thought those little nothings would even turn into something. Snapchats here and there turned into texts, then phone calls. Those phone calls turned into FaceTime calls. All in short amount of time, I found myself entertaining a dude that I had no thought in my mind that I would want to move forward with. Not because he wasn’t a great guy but because it felt too soon. I knew the more time we talked the sooner we’d catch feelings for each other. I was scared. He could have potential to break my heart or make me believe in love again. I didn’t know what I was getting myself into.
When it came down to telling my friends I was so hesitant. I didn’t want anyone to judge me for moving so fast. I wanted to be sure that if we moved pass the “talking” phase then maybe it was worth talking about to people. You can say we were talking on the low. We both agreed that we’d keep it a secret. Both of us laid out our expectations of whatever it was that we had going on. I kept my personal life and mom life separate. I was balancing work and time for him when I could. We never really hung out but always always always on the phone with each other. Those late night phone calls through the night even when we were sleeping. You know that teenage love feeling. He gave me butterflies. He made me feel special. He made me feel like I’ve never felt before. So real, so raw. I felt so damn appreciated for the littlest things. He was my hype man. I developed so many insecurities from my last relationship and he helped get rid of those bad thoughts. The way we vibe felt so right. He simply made me so happy.
Before we got serious I laid out on the table that I was damaged goods. I was healing from a broken heart. I didn’t know how to trust. I didn’t even know if I was loving the right way. I have kids and they were my main focus and everything else I had going on. I let him know that whatever developed between us he wouldn’t be a priority unless I was ready, unless we were ready. He was my side piece to everything I had going on. My garlic bread. I was his glaze to his donut. The extra topping to his simple life.
It was too good to be true.
But good things don’t last forever.