My last post showed a lot of the fuck up things he did but back then I use to wonder if my actions had anything to do with it. When things were good they were great but when things were bad they became toxic. All the fussing and fighting pushed me to fight back. I wasn’t going to get walked all over and look stupid. I’ve been petty on social media. I’ve said things that I shouldn’t have. Things got physical with us and a few times with those other girls. It shouldn’t have gone that far. I should have never let that effect my character and bring me out of my element. I can say I regret those moments but what happened happened and I can’t take any of it back. I just know better and I’ve learned to control the things I say.
People say women become psycho when a relationship gets bad but do people ever wonder about the insecurities that develop or when a woman’s intuition starts to get the best of us? I know we all get a little crazy but more than often we get curious and get nosy. We want to find out answers. We want to find out truth behind lies and we do certain things to see we are not in the wrong. Social media, high tech phones and computers makes it so easy for us to find what we’ve been looking for. “Go lurking and end up with your feelings hurt.” If ain’t that the fucking truth! How many times did I get so nosy that I found something that broke my heart.
“She tweeted that? Why did you like it?”
“Why is she your best friend on snap chat?”
“Why is she going on a like spree on instagram?”
“Why are you always on your phone when you’re with me?”
“Why do you put your phone facing down when I’m next to you?”
“Why do you kiss me different?”
“Why do you touch me different.”
“Why do you have to lie about what you’re doing or who you’re with?”
Lol reading what I just typed made me really laugh out loud because holy shit that may have made me look crazy at the time but that’s also why trust is so important in a relationship. Where you don’t have to second guess your feelings for someone. Many of you people reading this is probably thinking in your head “Been there, done that” Y’all don’t need to lie. You’ve done it before or said it before. A lot of what I was finding out was simply getting screenshots from friends or someone I know running into them out in a public place. Every time I approached a situation I had the proof I needed before bringing it up. Every single time without a doubt I ended up finding the truth and hurting myself even more.
Everything I’ve written about was things I went through with him and I’m sure he’d tell the story a different way. So fuck a three sides to every story. This was my truth and I’m not lying about it. It’s raw and as detailed as I want to share with the world.
“Love” makes you do crazy things or whatever you wanna say my heart was attached too back then.