Some things never change.

I wanted so bad to believe that we were going to be back in a good place. I thought I loved him even after all the misery. I thought he loved me because I gave him everything but you could give someone the world and still not have a place in theirs. For an entire year I continued to forgive him for his “mistakes” and constantly accepted his apologies. I had faith he was gonna change. An entire year of broken promises and I still held shit down. I held shit down for our family. Especially financially. It was all me, for us four because “love” and holding him down was all I wanted to do. These were my choices to stay. Although he was in the wrong I have to blame myself a little for sticking around when I could have left. Things kept getting worse. I was being taken advantage of. Mentally, emotionally and physically. It fucked me up but I still stayed. 

The cheating never stopped. One girl after another. I wasn’t oblivious to what was going on. All signs were there and that’s when he started to call me crazy. When you get caught up in a lie admit to your wrongs. Why the fuck blame me? What did I do to cause you to do this to me? He never had the answers. So many girls. So many lies. What the fuck was I fighting these chicks off for? And why the fuck were these girls still doing what they were doing knowing about me?! There are far too many females okay being the other woman, the side chick and the home wrecker! How are you okay with these titles? 

Your coworker from converse. You saw me meet up with him for lunch or drop off food to him every shift. I worked at apple across the street. You played the victim and knew the truth but you still kept entertaining it. 

The girl you met in Vegas. You had a boyfriend. We had mutual friends. What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas? No. And it didn’t end there I still found out. 

The girl from 24, your girlfriend. Lol well that’s what she would call herself. Finding the dirty underwear. Love letters from her about leaving me so you could be together. Raising a family with her? With my daughters? Then when I confronted her about it what did she say? “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. You’re a great mother. You deserve the world. You don’t deserve this.” Lol. Y’all did this to me for entire year behind my back. Everything made so much fucking sense. The timelines. Every single situation. Every argument. Trying to play a double life.

There was more in between. I lost count. I lost my mind. But I came to my senses. I am a good woman. I am a wonder friend. I am an amazing mother. I was too good to you and you didn’t deserve it. All I wanted was for you to picture that one day my daughters may have a chance at being mistreated by some little boy and cry to me or worse cry to YOU about their broken heart. How are you going to be able to comfort them knowing that you are that little boy. You did that to their own mother. Won’t that hurt you? The thought of it made me sick. 

It took all of that and more. YOU know what you did wrong. You know what kind of pain you inflicted on me. The hurt you caused me where even Maleah finally started to understand that it wasn’t right.

I finally walked away. Not just for me but for them. 

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